Do you ever look around your house and wonder, “How did I get here?” Sometimes it feels like all the stuff in my life just takes over. I find myself asking that question almost every day as I navigate through rooms filled with clutter. It’s funny—I used to fight with my mom over my messy room when I was a kid. She’d get so frustrated she’d dump everything in the middle of the room, and then I’d be forced to clean it all up. I was definitely a closet stuffer back then, and even now, I can’t always tell if I’m repeating old habits or just being ridiculous, although today, my closets are tidier than the rooms.
Our house growing up wasn’t a disaster zone—but our garage was full, and there was even a space under the stairs that held boxes from 20 to 30 years ago. Somehow, I’ve ended up with three levels of “stuff” at home (plus a full storage unit). It’s a puzzle I’m still trying to solve.
They say trauma can lead to hoarding, and maybe there’s some truth to that. For me, it started with that stubborn “we can’t have that” mindset from childhood—a phrase I hated hearing. When my son came along, even though money was tight, I still tried to get him everything he wanted. Add to that my many entrepreneurial ventures that I can't quite let go of, my son’s illness, and losing my mom… and suddenly, clutter became both a comfort and a curse.
Now, my home is filled with my things, my son’s things, my mom’s things, and remnants from past businesses. I hold on to items out of hope that I might use them again, and guilt—guilt that I might lose a memory, or that I’m letting go of something that connects me to my mom. I still hear her voice sometimes, urging me to hold on tight to a pair of family heirloom lamps. It’s a haunting feeling, one I’m still working through.
I’ve tried every method I can think of—from watching Marie Kondo and Swedish Death Cleaning videos with all the right intentions to actually tackling the mess. Nothing really stuck until I came across a simple idea online: don’t try to organize or clean while you’re de-cluttering. Just let go. That method resonated with me, and I’ve since adjusted my approach to simplify the process.
My son and I have started to slowly get rid of things. I’m beginning to realize that holding on to furniture with hopes of refurbishing it to cover storage fees is just not worth it. I still don’t fully understand why I cling to everything, and maybe part of it goes back to living with a narcissist who constantly reminded me, “We can’t afford that.” When I was at my wit’s end and asked for a break, I was told we couldn’t afford to fly me home. Thankfully, my mom was always there for me—buying plane tickets back home when I needed it most—and that eventually became a turning point for me to put my son and I first.
There’s still a lot of work to do on the trauma that fuels my clutter, but I’m making progress. Funny enough, I often find a use for something shortly after I finally let it go.
So, why am I sharing these deeply personal, sometimes embarrassing details? I want you to know you’re not alone. I’ve felt the crushing weight of loneliness and overwhelm, and it sucks. If my story helps even one person feel less alone and more empowered to clear out the physical and emotional clutter in their life, then sharing it is worth it.
Tell me—what’s your biggest challenge at home? Let’s work through it together. I promise, we’re here to help, not to judge. I’ll keep sharing my progress, and I hope you’ll share yours too.
Stay safe, keep surviving, and remember to have fun along the way!
Want to download a fun de-clutter challenge sheet to get you started - check it out here!
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